Healing, Suffering & Thorns

As often happens, a very random thought struck me while I was in the middle of listening to an audio-book. I'm currently listening to "The Visitation" by Frank Peretti. (By the way, while this is not not my favorite by Peretti, still a good book.)

In the story, a stranger appears in a small town and begins to convince the residents that he is Jesus. One of the ways he wins over "even the elect" is by healing people.

As I listened to the story unfold, I kept thinking of all the reasons the town people should recognize a false Christ. I thought about how, even if such a man had come around before my sister died and could have healed her, I would not have wanted that. Neither would she, by the way.

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I know that people are always eager to be miraculously healed. It's why so many people travel to various places with "healing" waters and weeping statues, etcetera. What I don't understand about this is why we think that we should be healed. 

Of course, like just about everyone struggling with a disease, I take every advantage of modern medicine. I use to pray all the time for this disease to be taken from my body. I used to wish it had never even touched my life. But I also know that dying is a part of life. Sickness is a part of life. The minute Adam and Eve sinned, they were touched with the gradual death of the physical body.

Every one of us is born to die - even people who never suffer a cancer or any other kind of illness - unless we are still alive when Jesus calls us home in the Rapture. Methuselah lived hundreds of years, but he did eventually die. I have a grandfather who lived to be over 100 years old, but he did die.

I no longer even pray for my sickness to be taken away from me. I often try to give thanks that it hasn't killed me yet. I am even thankful that I got the disease. The reason is, this disease and everything in my life that has resulted from it brought me to my knees. I needed to be brought to just where I am today because, otherwise, I might never have learned to lean entirely on God.

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Everything I once was caused me to focus away from God. I was too young, cute, healthy and financially independent to ever think that I would be otherwise. At the time, I thought I'd never had to think about my health going bad or where my next paycheck or meal was coming from. Like most young people, I couldn't imagine not being young.

Life is for learning and growing. Health is a daily and sometimes very temporary blessing. For anyone who allows themselves to love others, suffering and grieving will eventually come. 

So, I don't want to ask God to relieve me of all suffering. I think of any of the things I have gone through as things to keep me from becoming conceited. Paul said it in a passage of the Bible:

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So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. (2 Corinthians 12:7 ESV)

Ten years ago - even 5 years ago - I would not have truly understood that message. Every time I get too confident in my own abilities, I am tempted to forget all that God does for me. What I am still learning every day is to "count it all joy" - every struggle is a reminder of what I won't have to deal with one day. 

Peace

--Free

Christianity as a Verb

The other day, I got one of those notices from LinkedIn about "someone I might know".

I know the person and I'm familiar with the title they had given themselves. The title is an honorary one allowed for mature females in a congregation or denomination.

Don't know who she is, but Navonne Johns got this right

This person is someone I knew very well when I was a child and who I had the chance to be around again a few year ago. Though they have this honorary title and speak the "language" of the denomination well, my direct experience with them is what brings me to this blog post.

I'm not going to speak on this person as an individual, but I do want to talk about how so many of us are more proficient at looking and acting like Christians than we are at living the Christian faith.

Recently, our pastor spoke about Jesus's words from Matthew 25:

I was hungry, and you gave me food. I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink. I was alone and away from home, and you invited me into your house.  I was without clothes, and you gave me something to wear. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

“Then the good people will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and give you food, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you alone and away from home and invite you into our house? When did we see you without clothes and give you something to wear? When did we see you sick or in prison and care for you?’

“Then the King will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, anything you did for even the least of my people here, you also did for me.’ (Matthew 25:35-40 NCV)

This is a passage I was always fortunate to use from the viewpoint of the one giving food, drink, and shelter. It's when I went through a period of being on the end of need that I learned what it really means.

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When I found myself physically sick and emotionally lost and in almost complete despair, I learned what true Christianity is. I also saw what dead faith is.

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You can do both!

Their were two women who cared for me with unconditional love and, literally, saved my life. One is a woman who is not even Christian. She's more of a Humanist than anything else. She is my best friend and has been with me when I was at the "top of my game" as well as when I fell hard.

My friend does not attend church. She does not yet embrace Jesus as her Savior. But my friend has never acted toward people in a way that makes me question human kindness. She's never acted in a way to make me question my own belief in Jesus. She's never been anything but good and decent to me and anyone else she meets.

In my own time of need, my friend gave me a safe place to stay. She fed me, clothed me, and even nursed me - and I didn't even know how physically sick I was at the time. She let my family know that they didn't need to worry at all about me because I was with her and would be taken care of. She didn't criticize me for any of the bad choices I had made that had brought me to the point I was at. She just loved me and cared for me. Period.

I keep loving my friend and living my life as a Christian in such a way that she sees the Christ in me that she says she doesn't see in other believers.

The other woman is my aunt.My aunt is a Christian. She's not the one you'll see at church every time the doors open. She's not the one singing at every state meeting. Her name isn't known throughout the denomination she belongs to. There are no honorary titles before or after her name.

My aunt praises God without a microphone or without wearing bright, pretty clothes and big Kentucky Derby style hats.

My aunt is the woman who, when you call to wish her a Happy Thanksgiving, reminds you that every day is a day of thanksgiving. She'll say something like, "The Lord woke you up yesterday morning, didn't He? Then be thankful and praise His name for each day."

My aunt was there for me just as my friend was. She gave me mother-love and motherly advice. She prayed for me. She sat with me while I cried and wrestled with hard decisions. She was my comfort when I felt deserted and abused and orphaned. I was away from home and family, but I was pulled into her home and into her protection. She would have put her life at risk for mine.

To this day, of all the people in this world that I know - family, friends, Christians, former co-workers - these are the two women I can count on unconditionally. I can pick up the phone at any time of day or night and just say, "I need you", and they will be there. I know that God loves me because He put into my life two people who know what love means. One of those women may not yet understand why love means what it does, but I'm still praying for her.

The woman with the honorary title is well-known in her denomination. She is a beautiful and gifted with specific talents. She speaks in tongues and "shouts" in praise and worship. She spends a lot of time attending church services, evangelical meetings and regional and national conventions. She knows the Bible. None of that meant anything to me when I needed to be loved.

I'm not ashamed (now) to say that I was teetering on the edge of suicide when I went through that dark period of my life. If not physical suicide, then spiritual suicide. I had decided that if I was meant to live, God would give me a reason. My reason was that I had two people who loved me deeply.

The two women who were there for me taught me something important about life: Goodness, holiness, kindness and mercy matter most as verbs. Where would any of us be if God kept all His goodness and mercy to Himself?

When I look back now on those days, I don't think too much about the titles of people I was around. I no longer look at how well someone can recite the Bible or sing the praise songs. I don't even care about denominations. What I will always remember - and use in my own life - is that some people did as Jesus taught while some people didn't.

Peace
--Free

Living for Heaven or for Earth?

In reading the book "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn and doing the Bible study, one of the things that crossed my mind was that I am learning what it means to count it all joy and to see blessings in my trials.

I've been so tired and worn down the past few weeks. The physical fatigue doesn't do much for my spirit. The blessing is that, in all this earthly, physical weariness I'm feeling, I can look even more forward to Heaven.

When I was younger, I would look at people who seemed to "have it all" or to be "living the dream" and I'd be so envious. I'd try to imagine what it must feel like to be so wealthy that I could buy anything I wanted, go anywhere and do anything without having to worry about the expense. I'd wonder about the lives of people who were really physically beautiful or charismatic and wonder what that must be like.

Some years back, there was a certain rock star who was so charismatic that, no matter how scruffy he looked and no matter what he might be doing, people would just go slack-jawed with desire in his presence. And I would just wonder what he must feel like.

This kind of envy affected so much of my life. If I got a chance to do something - anything - that made me feel even one iota as wealthy, important or beautiful as the people I envied, I'd jump at it. To attend a party with people I thought of as "important", or to have dinner at an exclusive restaurant made me feel - temporarily - somehow more worthy. Not because I actually was important or able to afford such things but because I could pretend to be.

For example, someone close to me once owned a car that was, at the time, a very new and limited release model. I was given the chance to drive the car around town for a bit. If you had seen me, cruising down and around the streets, you would have believed that I actually owned that car and was used to owning such cars. You'd have had no idea that I probably would not have been able to put 10 dollars worth of gas in that car without sweating my next grocery shopping trip. I was so overjoyed that people were checking me out and just drooling over that car every time I stopped at a light.

I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with being important or having money and nice material things. It's just that, for me, things like that affect who I am and how I behave. At least, that was true before I decided to follow Jesus.

It's true that money is not the root of all evil, but the love of money. After all, I certainly only ever had a love of (and not possession) money. It was my love of money - combined with my lack of it - that caused me to be so dissatisfied.

What's so funny to me is that, if I could have all those material things now, they wouldn't mean the same thing to me as they would have before.

I no longer care about being "important" or wealthy. It would, of course, be nice not to have to worry about paying bills and having a roof over my head. Lots of things would make life physically more enjoyable and comfortable - having seafood at every meal or driving the safest and most secure vehicle, etc.

What I care most about now is being okay with all the material things I do have, don't have, don't need to have, and may never have. I'm not living anymore for this life but for the next.

These days when I look at people who do have lots of status and wealth, I just hope that they are happy with it all. I hope that they truly do enjoy and appreciate their blessings. I'm sure that there are quite a few people with money that are very content. I'm pretty sure that there are lots of wealthy people who could take it or leave it.

The thing about money, status, relationships - anything that we place higher than God - is that, when we lose grip on it, they find that it was all that was holding them together. After all, what good does anything else do for us if we lose our souls in pursuit of it?

By the way, that rock star I mentioned before was one that I was a huge fan of at one time. He died before he was 40 years old. Some people say that it was suicide and others say that it was a sex game gone wrong. Everyone agrees that he was desperately unhappy at the time that he died. I feel so much sadness about that. I can't help but think that his money and fame and charisma did him no good at all when he needed something more. And I remember that, for such a long, long time, I also didn't have anything more than this world could give me.

So I pray for are the people who are like I was - envious and silly about money - and who aren't happy with their status and money. I pray for the people who, if everything they have is taken from them, they won't have discovered the love of Christ to get them through those losses.

I still haven't figured out if I am being boastful or prideful when I wish for others to feel the same way that I do now. I always wonder if I am like the person who, once they have kids, that's all they talk about!

Peace
--Free

Unbreakable Peace of Mind

On Mother's Day morning, I had plans to go to a special breakfast, then on to church. My nephew had planned that for his wife and I, but since we go to different churches, I was going to follow them in my car to the restaurant. My niece and I were on our way out after my nephew when he turned back to say that we would be delayed.

Why? Because someone had busted one of the windows in my car. The vandals had rummaged through the glove box and other compartments, tossing things over the seats and onto the floor.

My immediate reaction started with bewilderment, then went to fear, then to anger.

That's just my way.

When I had a moment to deal with my feelings in my way, I did what I should have in the first place: I dealt with my feelings from a Christian viewpoint. I counted my blessings:

• That more damage had not been done to the vehicle
• That I had not been present when the damage was done because I could have gotten hurt.
• That the damage was limited to only one of our vehicles (there were 2 other cars and a motorcycle parked in the driveway).
• That the damage was limited to the vehicle and had not spread to the house (or my family).
• That, since it is now spring time, I can take my time getting the window replaced without worrying about freezing when using the car.
• That nothing was taken except for an inexpensive and easily replaceable phone-charging device.

That is the way I react when I count my blessings and "count it all joy".

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If I could have it my way, bad things would never happen. Since life is often made up of "bad things", my way would be to live without any peace of mind. I would walk around fearful, paranoid, unhappy, and continuously stressed out. 

I could have all the money, fame, and material things that are available but, without a true and unbreakable hope, life would steal my joy and peace. Because life is not everything we would have it to be all the time. 

Just by living, we face death. Just by loving, we face heartache. Just by having any material thing, we face losing it. Just by placing our hope in what we have managed to attain, we face being disappointed.

The only thing that any of us can truly count on is salvation and the assurance of eternal joy.

When we lose a loved one, we know that, no matter how we grieve them in this life, there will be no tears in Heaven.

When we battle illness and pain, we know that we will one day be free of it.

When we have our hearts broken, we know that we have a Savior who heals all.

We have all of this, but we still react to the world as if it is our only hope.

The incident on Mother's Day was only so awful when I reacted to it in my way. I didn't want to go to breakfast. I didn't want to think about what a beautiful, sunny day we were having. I didn't even want to leave my car unprotected. 

Once I turned those feelings over to God, I was able to move on. 

I went ahead to breakfast and my family and I ended up having the most wonderful time. We didn't make it to church because of the delay, but I worshipped God by thanking Him for all that I have - broken car window and all.

Later that day, a friend who had heard what happened, called and told me not to worry about the window. He said that, not only would he do the installation of a replacement window, but that he would even scout for one I could get at low or no cost.

When I went to bed that night, I was counting all the blessings that I have. Family, friends, and peace that can't be broken, stolen or damaged. I pray that everyone can accept the source of that peace. 

Jesus is the Prince of Peace. He is the Son of the God of all peace. 

"The Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear" (Ps. 27:1)

Peace

--Free