Walking the Talk (is serious exercise!)

"Be careful what you pray for."

If that's not a saying, it should be!

I'm hot-tempered. It's the main thing I had to ask God for help with. You know, after the whole,"Please save my soul" favor.

It's a wonder that God isn't just so sick and tired of me by now. But then, He is God. Thank God!

Recently I prayed a prayer that got answered with a quickness I wasn't prepared for. My prayer went something like this: "Please, Lord, help me to be more thoughtful with my words and actions. Help me to reign in my temper. Let me live my life as a testament to the changes You have made and are making in me."

Then I had to repent a whole bunch of stuff because I had spent the previous night carousing around the backyard fire pit with a bunch of friends and family. Oh, how we laughed and talked. And cursed and gossiped and discussed things that we really should not have been discussing...

Yeah.

So, my prayer was sent up and apparently given Priority rating because, before I knew what hit me, I got the chance to hear God's answer.

As usual, I'm hard of hearing when it comes to God's voice. Like the kid who can hear the ice-cream truck from 6 blocks away, but can't hear the sound of his mother's last nerve snapping when he disobeys for the millionth time.

Let's just say that I got myself into a verbal situation with someone and I could have remembered my prayer and reigned in my temper. I could have.

That would have been beautiful. By holding my temper and responding to the other person with a kind and thoughtful response, I would have been a testament to the work that God is doing in my life. It would have been easier on me and a more powerful reaction than the one I actually had. Which was to get hurt and irritated and respond from a position of pride and negativity.

God is infinitely patient with me, but I am sure, as they say, this is what my guardian angel must have looked like:

                                                            

Oh boy. So, yeah.

I asked God for something and He gave me the perfect opportunity to receive His answer. And I blew it. What could have been so easy, I made triple hard.

I walked around for probably two hours, just livid, about the whole conversation. I replayed the other person's words in my head, considered every nuance of their attitude, and just ripped them apart in my mind.

Then

I stopped.


I stopped listening to myself, my pride, my past, my feelings and emotions. I stopped hearing myself long enough to hear God again. I heard God's love for me, and His patience. And I realized how unloving I was being.

Now I have to repent for my hard head and hard heart. And I still have to let God work on what I prayed.

The most ironic part of all this is that the verbal altercation I was involved in had to do with, of all things...

(I really hate to admit this)

...how we who say that we are Christians actually live out our Christianity in our daily lives.

I'm still in the crawling stages

(I will wait while you finish shaking your head at my complete and utter folly.)

I can just imagine the glee that Satan got out of this. I can also imagine his disappointment when I stopped running on my own steam and gave myself back over to He who lives within me.

Anyway, this is one of those times that I need to walk the talk.

I say I am a Christian, so I have to learn to love and live and forgive and repent, just as Christ commands me to.

I have to walk the talk and, boy, is this going to be some serious exercise.

Peace
--Free

The Most Beautiful Gift I've Heard Sung

When I got married, I was very young and I was very immature. I had a worldly heart and a childish spirit. There were people in my life at that time who made belittling comments that affected my outlook on my relationship. I'm not saying that the people who said these things meant harm, but that I was silly enough to let those comments affect me in a negative way.

Words matter. Words are powerful. God spoke the universe into being.

As humans, with no other power than that of speech, our words have effect - for right or for wrong.

Recently I heard a song that touched me so deeply that I am still playing it on repeat almost two days later. The lyrics spoke into my heart to remind me of the most beautiful gift I have been given: Redemption.

Words. Power.

The tongue can bless and the tongue can curse. The person who wrote this particular song shared a blessing he received when he needed it. I have a feeling that he might have no idea how his voice, his words, blessed me.

I know God loves me. I know that I have forgiveness and salvation. I know all that, but I was struggling in a darkness so deep that I was starting to lose sight of all my blessings. I was literally praying every moment for God to take me out of this life and into the next. I actually prayed that.

While I was listening to some music, just to drown out all the self-pitying voices in my mind, I heard this song called "Redeemed".

Those words spoke to me. They spoke the truth of what it means for me to have God's love. They spoke to all the sorrow I was feeling and all the shameful wishes for death that were lingering around me like a cloud.

I felt so happy that I literally stood up and raised my hands in praise.

The sadness and grief I felt is still here. I'm still a failure at so many things in life. I'm still in financial ruins. I'm still trying to find my way out of some difficult circumstances. I'm still sometimes such a mess of a person that it's a wonder that I've made it this far in life without a minder.

But guess what?

I am redeemed.

Those lyrics of that song - just words, after all - were what I needed to hear at just the right time. I can't even listen to the the song without wanting to weep for joy.

When people say that God doesn't answer prayers, I know that He does. I know that He doesn't answer the prayers I've prayed with my human heart ("Let me just die, Father"), but He answers the prayers that come out of my very soul ("What am I living for, Father? What's the point?").

His answer this time was that I need to remember that I am redeemed.

I am redeemed, no matter what a mess I sometimes think I am.
I am redeemed, even if I spend the rest of my life alone.
I am redeemed, no matter how many times I fall down in sin.
I am redeemed, no matter what anybody else thinks about me.
I am redeemed, even if I never make it out this financial mess I am in.
I am redeemed.
No matter what.

Any time I'm tempted to think of my faults and my struggles, I am going to turn to my Bible and remind myself about God's gift of redemption.

That is the only gift I need. It's the most beautiful gift. And it's a gift that I'm glad my family members also had.

Go here to look at the video and to hear the story behind the song.

God bless those people for that song.
Peace
--Free