Living for Heaven or for Earth?

In reading the book "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn and doing the Bible study, one of the things that crossed my mind was that I am learning what it means to count it all joy and to see blessings in my trials.

I've been so tired and worn down the past few weeks. The physical fatigue doesn't do much for my spirit. The blessing is that, in all this earthly, physical weariness I'm feeling, I can look even more forward to Heaven.

When I was younger, I would look at people who seemed to "have it all" or to be "living the dream" and I'd be so envious. I'd try to imagine what it must feel like to be so wealthy that I could buy anything I wanted, go anywhere and do anything without having to worry about the expense. I'd wonder about the lives of people who were really physically beautiful or charismatic and wonder what that must be like.

Some years back, there was a certain rock star who was so charismatic that, no matter how scruffy he looked and no matter what he might be doing, people would just go slack-jawed with desire in his presence. And I would just wonder what he must feel like.

This kind of envy affected so much of my life. If I got a chance to do something - anything - that made me feel even one iota as wealthy, important or beautiful as the people I envied, I'd jump at it. To attend a party with people I thought of as "important", or to have dinner at an exclusive restaurant made me feel - temporarily - somehow more worthy. Not because I actually was important or able to afford such things but because I could pretend to be.

For example, someone close to me once owned a car that was, at the time, a very new and limited release model. I was given the chance to drive the car around town for a bit. If you had seen me, cruising down and around the streets, you would have believed that I actually owned that car and was used to owning such cars. You'd have had no idea that I probably would not have been able to put 10 dollars worth of gas in that car without sweating my next grocery shopping trip. I was so overjoyed that people were checking me out and just drooling over that car every time I stopped at a light.

I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with being important or having money and nice material things. It's just that, for me, things like that affect who I am and how I behave. At least, that was true before I decided to follow Jesus.

It's true that money is not the root of all evil, but the love of money. After all, I certainly only ever had a love of (and not possession) money. It was my love of money - combined with my lack of it - that caused me to be so dissatisfied.

What's so funny to me is that, if I could have all those material things now, they wouldn't mean the same thing to me as they would have before.

I no longer care about being "important" or wealthy. It would, of course, be nice not to have to worry about paying bills and having a roof over my head. Lots of things would make life physically more enjoyable and comfortable - having seafood at every meal or driving the safest and most secure vehicle, etc.

What I care most about now is being okay with all the material things I do have, don't have, don't need to have, and may never have. I'm not living anymore for this life but for the next.

These days when I look at people who do have lots of status and wealth, I just hope that they are happy with it all. I hope that they truly do enjoy and appreciate their blessings. I'm sure that there are quite a few people with money that are very content. I'm pretty sure that there are lots of wealthy people who could take it or leave it.

The thing about money, status, relationships - anything that we place higher than God - is that, when we lose grip on it, they find that it was all that was holding them together. After all, what good does anything else do for us if we lose our souls in pursuit of it?

By the way, that rock star I mentioned before was one that I was a huge fan of at one time. He died before he was 40 years old. Some people say that it was suicide and others say that it was a sex game gone wrong. Everyone agrees that he was desperately unhappy at the time that he died. I feel so much sadness about that. I can't help but think that his money and fame and charisma did him no good at all when he needed something more. And I remember that, for such a long, long time, I also didn't have anything more than this world could give me.

So I pray for are the people who are like I was - envious and silly about money - and who aren't happy with their status and money. I pray for the people who, if everything they have is taken from them, they won't have discovered the love of Christ to get them through those losses.

I still haven't figured out if I am being boastful or prideful when I wish for others to feel the same way that I do now. I always wonder if I am like the person who, once they have kids, that's all they talk about!

Peace
--Free