Today, while I am fighting some extreme fatigue, I was considering doing another cleanse -- just eating blends of veggies for a week to get my energy level back up. However, since I didn't even have the energy to get out of my chair, I ended up flipping through a magazine I scored a free subscription for.
I didn't get past the list of contents without feeling disturbed and disgusted. Just a few months ago, I enjoyed perusing the articles and tidbits of information. It was all meaningless, but it was sort of a fun way to pass some time.
For some reason, today I couldn't even think of what I'd ever found worthy about this magazine. I realized that the advertisements didn't make me feel any better about anything, and the articles seemed really immature and pointless. And I began to realize that, without even meaning to, I've been nourishing my heart and my spirit by feeding it Scripture and prayer. Kind of a refueling of sorts.
(The magazine, by the way, is basically very pretty and well-packaged garbage. Not even something to pass time so much as to kill time. Every time I've ever finished reading it, I never felt like a better person for having done so. If anything, I feel like I need to go out and buy a perfume or another kind of eyeliner or lipstick so that I can be a little prettier, sexier or better smelling. Truth is - and this goes for all of us and the models in the magazines - we could go and buy all of Nordstrom and still not be everything that we are told is beautiful and sexy. For that, we'd need PhotoShop and the skin of a ten year old. Then the standards would change.)
Anyway.
My life as a Christian for several years has been lazy and I was using all of God's promises like a water fountain, only turning on the tap when I wanted something from Him. I prayed when I needed something, but rarely just to have a conversation with the Lord or to give thanks. I picked up my Bible when I had a specific question, but not just to study and meditate on the Word. I was most "Christian" when I was criticizing someone else's less than good behavior. I would surely pick up the Bible then - just so I could find the best verse to zing someone with...
All the time I've spent feeding my skin and my body and fighting the signs of aging, I've been slowly starving my spirit to death.
My idea of spiritual health was much like thinking I'd be doing my body a favor by ordering a salad along with 2 burgers and large fries.
Worst of all, I was one of those "At least" Christians. You know what I mean: Yes, I might do this bad/wrong thing, but AT LEAST I don't do that. ('That' being the thing I thought someone else was wrong for doing.)
Now that I have stopped looking so hard at what other people are doing and started to focus on my own issues, I'm realizing that working on those things is not so hard when I let Jesus do all the labor.
But, like I started out saying, I'm dealing with my spiritual fatigue the same way I have dealt with physical symptoms. When I got sick with this sarcoidosis, I had to change the way I eat, rest and just live my life. We are all diagnosed as sinners. Makes sense to me that we need to accept the treatment offered.
I've read lots of stuff suggesting that the more we feed ourselves with good and nourishing foods, the less we'll depend on junk food for satisfaction. I've even heard that it's possible to detox yourself out of unhealthy cravings. I'm learning that this principle certainly applies to the spirit.
Now that I am back to nourishing myself with God's words, I'm finding that I'm too full of the good stuff to have room for the junk. The more I attend regular worship, and take time to stop and listen for His voice, the more I feel spiritually full. The more spiritually full I feel, the less I look for the things that are not good for me.
My mother used to say that there are blessings found in the most unlikely places and situations. Losing my sister was very painful for me, but that pain ran me deeper into the arms of God. So, my mother was right. I truly found all kinds of blessings out of my pain.
You know how sometimes you find yourself pawing around the kitchen because you're hungry for something, but don't know what it is you want? You pick and eat at everything and just don't feel satisfied. That reminds me so much of how I felt about life for so long.
The world is made up of so much junk. There are things that are made to entertain us that don't make us feel better, act better, or live better. We feed on this kind of stuff from the time we wake up in the morning until the time we go to bed. We are so stuffed with and used to a steady diet of these empty calories that we don't even realize what we are truly hungry for. After a while, some of us stop looking and just get resign ourselves to being unhealthy and miserable.
My hope is that all of us will stop and take a look at what we are feeding our spirits. Take some time to detox the negative and useless so that we can refuel on what's good. Start weeding out the bad stuff in our life diets and replace it with what is good and satisfying.
For myself, instead of just "passing the time" when I am restless, I have started using that time more wisely. I've been keeping some books and audios on hand that encourage and uplift me. That's been important especially the past few days when I've been so worn out.
I'm currently reading "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn (which is very thought provoking, by the way). Also think I mentioned here before that our pastor told us about a book called "Vanishing Grace". There seem to be some good lessons and, well, food for thought in the book. I'm going to be picking up a copy soon as they have more paperbacks available. If you are interested, I see that they do have the hardback versions in stock. From what I've heard of it and the reviews on Amazon, I will say that it seems like a good read.
If this were a post on my other blog, where I'd be telling people about a trendy new food or cosmetic, I'd get more of a response. For now, I'm trying to talk about something far more important and lasting. After all, no matter what we smear on our bodies or feed it - good or bad - this flesh is mortal and decaying. Our spirits are what we should be directing all our care to.
Peace
--Free
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